You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
