Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
