just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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