I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
