just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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