Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
