i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize