I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
