I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
