How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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