high people should be assigned attendants
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
