Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
