Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
