im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
