I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
