I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
