I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
