I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
