I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
