No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
