If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
