You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
