Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Panties = found
Randomize
