plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
