i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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