and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
