There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
