It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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