I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
