Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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