dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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