If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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