I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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