Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
