Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
