have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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