I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
