I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
