I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How external is "for external use only"?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
