The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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