no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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