Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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