if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
