it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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