My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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