i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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