Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
