Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
