this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
