that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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