Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
