i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
