All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
