the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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