Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
