why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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