I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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