OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he high fived his dick after we had sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
