Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
