the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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