I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
