Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize