so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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