he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
