if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
