Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize