Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
