im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
