i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
