just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
