I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
