just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
