so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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