Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
