I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize