u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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