I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
