Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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