How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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