Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
