Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
