I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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