Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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