Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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