omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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