just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
