How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
