I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize