He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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