This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
