i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
