I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
