there was a trapeze. enough said
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
