I hate your face
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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