Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
