I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
